And All That Hooptedoodle
Over at Making Light, you’ll find a pointer to Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing, most of which are just plain good sense. But the one I’m glad to see that made it in is one I’ve always stressed to the writers I know.
3. Never use a verb other than ‘’said’’ to carry dialogue.The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But said is far less intrusive than grumbled, gasped, cautioned, lied. I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with ‘’she asseverated,’’ and had to stop reading to get the dictionary.
“Finally,” he concurred.
I refer to the verbs people use to replace “said” as “Tom Swifties.” They put you in mind of the old Tom Swift novels (older – like Tom Swift and his Motor Cycle) where nothing is ever “said” – it’s “yelped,” “yodeled,” “admonished,” or – on occasion – “ejaculated” (all together now, “ewwwww”).
Coming through a college Creative Writing program, I had a lot of friends who were very fond of their Tom Swifties.
“Yeah,” said one of them. “You’re right. I do that a lot. But it’s just because I find the word ‘said’ to get boring after a while.”
See, that’s kind of the point. “Said” is a word that – in writing – is used to tell the reader to whom they should attribute the accompanying line. It’s a “blip” word – one that our eyes get used to just blipping over as we read.
You replace “said” with something else, however, (”’Look out!’ Tom ejaculated.”) and you make the reader stop. They have to stop and see what word you’ve put in place of “said,” because it might just be important. But in this example – as is almost always the case – “Look out!” is already forceful enough on its own and not the sort of thing that somebody on a speeding motorcycle would just mention casually. Add to that the fact that it’s accompanied by an exclamation point (another good Leonard point – you’re only allowed one exclamation point per 100,000 words), and there’s absolutely no reason for Tom Swift to be ejaculating anywhere near the reader (ewwww).
February 25th, 2004 at 1:54 am
I’ve always disagreed with this. In fact, in high school I even put together a list of 200 words which can be used instead of of “said.” Okay, I agree that’s a bit much but it was useful as a thesaurus at times.
When I’m reading and the author uses “said” over and over, I find it boring. Sometimes I’m forced to figure out what the character’s tone is because there are no descriptors. Noting that a sentence was “whispered” rather than “shouted” can make a huge difference in the tone of the conversation. Sure, you can make that point through the words themselves, but then it’s not realistic dialogue.
In real life, the WAY we say things tends to be as important was what we say. And often “Tom Swifties” are the only method of getting that across in writing.
I think the key is to strike a balance. Too many descriptors may show a weakness in the dialogue. But too few can make a conversation seem flat.
February 26th, 2004 at 4:13 am
For me, John’s example shows why a “Swiftie” would still be better.
“dismayed by her younger brother’s widening, evil grin” is a great decription of her emotional reaction. But it doesn’t tell me much about the speaker’s tone. Did she gasp, whisper, shout? Even the exclamation point doesn’t answer that question, because you can whisper emphatically.
February 26th, 2004 at 7:54 am
I’m with Glen on this one. Tone and emotion should be communicated by the rest of the content. I think there are rare occassions when commonly used words, like “whispered” or “shouted” are apropriate, but rarely and never in fast-paced dialogue. It’s also lazy writing masquerading as “finding exactly the right word,” because you’re using an adverb to do the job of much more description.
“Swifties” convey tone but only in a very coarse, imprecise way—and only if you happen to know the word.
“I can’t believe you would do something like that!” she gasped.
“I can’t believe you would do something like that!,” she said, dismayed by her younger brother’s widening, evil grin.