Coultergeist
I’ve had the great fortune to avoid any serious encounter with Ann Coulter’s work so far in my life. So I figured it was time to bite the bullet. After all, she just got dumped from USA Today after they had planned to publish her coverage of the Democratic convention (which, I have to admit, is not the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard – but close to it).
Human Events Online has the text of Coulter’s first column which inspired USA Today to dump her – lovingly provided by Coulter herself, along with her selected “specific examples” of USA Today’s complaints. (link via pesky’apostrophe)
Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazoned with the “F-word” are my opponents. Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling.USA Today: EYE-ROLLING? AT WHAT?
Since Coulter seems puzzled at USA Today’s commentary, claiming that most of it has to do with their not getting the joke, I thought I’d offer my own commentary.
Ms. Coulter, you are a bitter and evil person and nobody loves you – but that’s no excuse to take it out on the Democrats.
I kid. I kid because I love. Not in that way, y’know – but the way you’re supposed to hate the sin and love the sinner.
The fact is that the article is one prolonged stream of vomit. It is sophomoric, hateful, and ultimately pointless. Coulter doesn’t provide any actual arguments – let alone any actual coverage. She is more interested in making absolutely certain that every Democrat knows how much she hates them than she is in making any actual points. As a result, every sentence contains an insult with no context or backing. She’s so obsessed with hurling shit that she doesn’t even waste precious column inches to tell people why she wants to hurl these insults.
And that’s why the USA Today didn’t get your jokes, darling Ann. Because they weren’t funny. They were equivalent to those long jokes homophobes tell that are only supposed to be funny because the punchline has the word “fag” in.
Perhaps calling Democratic women “corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons” is the height of hilarity to you, but it appears to be a very private joke.
It’s not that we don’t get your jokes, Annie dearest. It’s that you’re just not funny, and your perspective is so severely lacking in context that it is without any redeeming qualities. But cheer up – the local Wal-Mart1 is always hiring greeters.
1 To Wal-Mart lawyers – Don’t sue me! I’m funny!
July 27th, 2004 at 3:34 am
I’m convinced that Ann has syphilis. How else can you explain how little sense she actually makes?