Proof that God has a sense of humor
Fred Phelps plans to protest “dyke-infested Mary Washington College” (Thanks, John).
I may be coming in a bit late to the party here – there’s already a God Hates Phelps website, after all. But the limit of my exposure to Phelps this far has been through the portrayal of the brimstone-spewing minister in Tectonic Theatre Project’s The Laramie Project.
And it’s specifically that play that Phelps wants to protest at Mary Washington – or anywhere else, for that matter.
“The Laramie Project,” blares Phelps’ MWC flyers, “is a tacky piece of sick fag melodrama with zero social value or literary merit. It’s sole, shabby purpose is to recruit kids to lives of sin, shame, disease, misery death & Hell1.”
Phelps is a man of God. This is clearly evidenced by the URL for his official website – godhatesfags.com. I browsed the website for a bit – absolutely shocked that somebody could have so much against simple Frequently Asked Questions files before I realized that the underlining was making all of his g’s look like q’s.
Quote: “Matt’s in Hell 4+ years, eternity to go. Caterwauling fags at The Laramie Project can’t buy Matt a drop of water to cool his tongue! The 3000 Sept. 11 and the 7 shuttle astronauts Feb. 1 have now joined Matt in Hell. Deal with it, America! God hates this nation of fags & fag-pimps!—and has irrevocably purposed to destroy her!” – from Phelps’ MWC flier.
If I didn’t know that Phelps was, in fact, a real person with a real church (Westboro Baptist Church), I would swear that he was a product of The Onion. But the fact is that Phelps is real. And he’s everywhere. Not just at 3701 SW 12th Street in Topeka, Kansas – the address printed on all of his fliers.
And, oh, those fliers. Even the PDF files on his own website look like they’ve five-thousandth generation photocopies. The photos are blurred and dithered, and the stock art at the bottom of each flier features some of his more popular protest signs (“THANK GOD FOR FEB. 1 SHUTTLE DOOM”, and “FAG CHURCH” with a little cartoon of one man standing behind another man who’s bent over). Some of them even feature a kid in a baseball cap holding a sign that proudly declares “GOD HATES FAGS.”
At least we know where Phelps stands on the issue.
Quote: “Diane Whipple, a filthy dyke, died in her sins on Jan. 26, 2001, as a result of being mauled by two dogs. God used literal dogs to kill a figurative dog – sodomites being likened unto dogs for beast-filthiness (Deut. 23:17, Mat. 7:6, Phil. 3:2, 2 Pet. 2:7,8,12,22; Rev. 22:15). Fags & dykes = dogs & sows. She lived like a beast, died like a beast, at the hands of beasts, and is mourned by a family of beasts! The wrath and fury that smote Diane Whipple – suddenly and violently ripping her throat out and casting her forthwith into the everlasting flames of Hell – is poised to similarly visit this evil sodomite-dominated nation in final overwhelming vengeance. Jer. 9:9. Sharon Smith (the dead dyke’s lover) and Penny Whipple-Kelly (the dead dyke’s guilty, dyke-pimp, mother-from-Hell) need a reality check. Diane is in Hell, and you will join her there – where you three will bitterly curse each other forever, as you gnaw your tongues in pain and blaspheme God. Flames of God’s wrath will engulf you and fill your heads, bowels, and limbs. The same is happening to Diane now.” – from Phelps’ “memorial” to Diane Whipple
By the way – Phelps also helms godhatesamerica.com. And there are some politicians out there who would want to call me unpatriotic.
Phelps likes to put up “memorials” to homosexuals whose deaths made the national news. Both Diane Whipple and Matthew Shepard are the subjects of Phelps memorials – which consist of bible quotes, fag-bashing, and animated gifs of their heads dancing in flames (accompanied by a voice screaming, “Agh! For God’s sake, listen to Phelps!”). The pages also provide you with handy counters. As of February 28, 2003, Phelps’s site reports that Shepard has spent 1,601 days in Hell. And he provides us with the helpful little equation, “Eternity-1601 Days = Eternity”.
Phelps’ major desire is to tell everybody that those of the homosexual persuasion are bound for the fires of eternal perdition. And his major targets for this message are Matthew Shepard and any production of The Laramie Project that he can find. But Phelps is more than just anti-Shepard and anti-Laramie. Even as I type this, Phelps is protesting something bigger than either issue.
Quote: “Fallout of acrid smoke and burning cinders from the holocaust of ancient Sodom hangs over Leavenworth. Travellers nearing Leavenworth report a caustic odor of brimstone and a burning sensation. Leavenworth leaders have sold their souls for a $15,000 morsel of sodomite meat – as profane fornicator Esau. Heb. 12:16. Official tax-funded signs proclaim Leavenworth’s everlasting shame: ‘Hometown of Melissa Etheridge!’” – from Phelps’ Leavenworth, Feb. 28 flier.
Yes, Leavenworth has earned the wrath of God by putting up signs declaring themselves to be the hometown of a celebrity who happens to be a lesbian. Not only does he declare that Leavenworth is bound for Hell, but he specifically lists on his flier the “Roster of the Damned,” with names and pictures of the city commission. And there, at the bottom of the flier, is one of the signs with that same cartoon couple surrounded by the slogan, “GOD HATES AMERICA.”
I would dearly love to tear into Phelps. His brimstone rhetoric and absolute intolerance are the stuff of nightmares. But the fact is that his words speak loud enough, themselves.
I would never suggest that Laramie is a play beloved by everyone. But everyone who has seen The Laramie Project respects it as a work of literature, whether or not they agree with it. Everybody except Phelps, that is.
But Phelps, himself, has gone on the defensive recently – protesting in his own home town.
Quote: “Duffy says he did not sponsor the gay-rights ordinance because he condones the filthy fag agenda, but because WBC’s picketing ministry makes Topeka the epicenter of hate which in turn creates a hostile business climate discouraging selection of Topeka as a favorable site. Duffy knows better. He got that paralogism (lying argument) from Roy Menninger – who also knows better. Surely, the opposite is true. The ministry of WBC gives Topeka an aura of relative decency – which some companies still find desirable, for many resons. In any case, The Kansas City Star story at right [not included in quoted material – ed.] gives lie to Duffy’s satanic sophistry. Topeka was not ranked ‘hot’ for ‘strong business climate’ and ‘cite [sic] selection’ when WBC began her ‘God Hates Fags’ picketing crusade in Topeka’s and America’s streets in 1991. Satan’s Midget Mutant Angel Duffy is a liar.” – from Phelps’ Feb. 26 Topeka, Kansas flier.
Perhaps Phelps would feel more kindly toward The Laramie Project if it didn’t include the details of Phelps’ embarassment at the hands of “Project Angel Action.” Or perhaps if he had been played by Tommy Lee Jones in the HBO Films edition, instead of by James Murtaugh.
But, as it stands, Laramie is the closest anybody has ever come to calling Phelps out on his dogmatic, brutal, and destructive “ministry.” And, perhaps, that’s just why he hates it so much.
When it comes down to that, Phelps could pull a page from his own book.
Lately, gay-rights groups have taken to using Phelps’ protests as fund-raisers. In Ann Arbor, MI, Keith Orr got people to pledge money for the Washtenaw Rainbow Action Project (WRAP) for every minute that Phelps protested. The press release is available on godhatesphelps.com, or you can contact Mr. Orr for more information at keith@autbar.com.
Now, in Fredericksburg, Nathan Figueroa is preparing to use Phelps’ planned protest of Mary Washington College as another fundraiser. This time, the money goes to Equality Virginia. For more information or to make your pledge, contact prism@wmc.edu with your name and phone number.
Where’s the lesson for Phelps in all of this?
Phelps has fired back at the fundraisers by putting up an article on his website about “How fags can make $millions with WBC pickets”. A snide little backbiter of a piece that indirectly calls all gays dishonest and suggests that all reported numbers for the pledge drives are exhaggerated for the benefit of the media. The article concludes with the suggestion that those who follow Phelps’ steps “Contact WBC to let us know how much money you made, along with a copy of (or a link to) the newspaper article that resulted from step 7, thereby allowing us to relish in the knowledge that “God hates fags” has been proclaimed to even more people.”
Phelps’ message is clear: Tell the press you’re protesting us, and we win because you’ve gotten our protest into the newspapers.
But Phelps fails to ask himself:
How many tickets to The Laramie Project have been sold by the WBC picket lines?
So, please, Mr. Phelps – continue to protest. And each time you manage to get your protest into the newspaper, please contact us and let us know, so that we can see that you’ve helped spread the message that your kind of hatred is obsolete, outdated, on the fringe, and swiftly approaching obscurity.
Laramie sparkles, doesn’t it?
March 1st, 2003 at 2:08 am
Fred Phelps is more than a funny, bitter little man! (Although I’ve found him very amusing – he’s coming to protest Berea (my college) as the next “Sodom and Gomorrah”!) But, seriously, there is one thing he’s doing that infuriates me – he’s portraying Christ and Christianity as judgemental and hateful, which is dead wrong. As a devoted Christian, I am literally sick of people like Phelps turning those who would find comfort and acceptance in the Church away from Her in disgust. Just a little side note.