What Would Jesus Buy?
WPVI (an ABC affiliate) reports that the Kingdom Life Christian Church in Milford, Connecticut, has finally raised enough money to make a major purchase. They have paid $245,000 to buy out Video Pleasures – a porn shop. According to Bishop Jay Ramirez, they will take their new acquisition and close it down. Which begs the question:
Will the church be sponsoring a “Going out of Business” sale?
I have to admit, this is an interesting (and potentially profitable) new approach to enforcing morality. Especially considering the fact that, according to Ramirez, this is only the first step. The church plans to continue its crusade by raising more and more money to buy out the remaining adult video stores in Milford.
I can’t be the only one who sees amazing business potential blossoming in Milford’s adult entertainment industry. Particularly in the closing of it. With a rich enough church community and an enterprising purchase-and-dump system, one could be a millionaire in a matter of months (note to readers: remember where you got the idea and be generous).
At least the former owner of Video Pleasures will be happy now. With 245 thou in hand, he can finally afford to leave behind his grotty little smut shop and pursue his true goal.
Opening up his own adult film studio and producing original videos.
And, in other news, Bishop Jay Ramirez announced that – contrary to popular Biblical interpretation – Jesus did not throw the moneychangers out of the temple. He quietly bought out their operations and phased them out over the course of a year while allowing the moneychangers to set up in temples across town.
Ramirez also announced that everybody (above the age of 17, of course) was welcome to attend Video Pleasures’ “Great Jumpin’ Jesus, We’re Goin’ Out of Business Sale!” 25% off all couples videos, 50% for fetish porn, and a group discount for parties of twelve or more.